Earlier this week I went to a DOPE concert. Similar to most shows, it started with an opening act. This young lady not only had a unique voice, but she also was beautiful! (my personal opinion)
She commanded the stage with her presence and sexy dance moves (yes...I said sexy, get over it...) and sang confidently songs most people probably never heard. In my mind I was giving her props, bobbing my head, and screaming at the end of her songs because I, legit, thought she was on point! As I looked around however, I noticed most people didn't even give her a chance. Men who were there with dates, looked uninterested (mainly because they had to), and others looked with an intensely, critical eye, and annoyed glare. Now, some might argue that perhaps they didn't think she was that great, perhaps they thought, they could have done better. I do believe everyone is entitled to their opinion, but something tells me that we have a large population of women (and men), who are suffering from HATERATION.
Yes...HATERATION...look it up...( urban dictionary for my non- Mary J. fans). The crazy part is that a lot of people suffer from this unknowingly. Answer the questions below with "Yes" or "No" to find out if you are an undiagnosed Hater.
Have you ever saw someone achieving success and automatically assumed they didn't deserve it?
Have you ever looked at someone you barely knew and based on assumption and stalking, judged them negatively?
Have you ever gotten angry at your partner because THEY found someone other than yourself attractive?
Have you ever not given someone props, who deserved it, but instead went with the, "they doing too much" route?
Are you currently making an excuse why none of these descriptions fit you?
Ok lets see your results...
If you answered Yes to 4 or more...................You're a Hater...
If you answered Yes to 2-3...................... You're still a Hater...
If you answered Yes to 1-2........................ Yup....You're a Hater too...
If you answered Yes to 0.................. You're a liar, and you need more help than this post can provide..
Ok, seriously, WE ALL HAVE BEEN A HATER at some point in our lives (Some of ya'll hatin' now....resist it). Being a hater sometimes becomes a habit. Which is why a lot of us can't admit it. Instead, we would rather believe that everyone else is wrong, and our judgment is right. Truth be told, behind your hatin' , there is usually a much deeper issue. (If you're strong keep reading)
Sometimes our habitual hatin' is a result of insecurities, failed goals, and unsupported dreams. We sometimes find it easier to tolerate ourselves by belittling other people's success. For instance, I use to Hate on lighter complexion women. I wanted to believe that they were all stuck up, and lacked substance. Fortunately, I became best friends with several corn bread complexion ladies, and quickly found that to be a MYTH. I then had to deal with my own insecurities of having a darker complexion. I went through feeling ugly, to un-loved, and finally self-hating. It took several years and lots of self love to appreciate my Hershey's kiss, cocoa butter smooth, skin. But who wants to do the hard work of dealing with insecurities? I'm sure no one does, but if you want to grow into a better person, and truly overcome your own issues, than it's necessary.
Here's Where you start:
1. Don't hold onto untrue perceptions of people. Allow yourself to be happy for others, without assuming the worst.
2. If someone has done something negative, but seems to be changing their ways...be happy for them.. (this does not mean forget or become naïve, but be genuinely hopeful)
3. The next time you look at a person and think negatively of them, ask yourself.....
Where in my past have I been wronged in this area? (possible insecurities)
Why do I avoid giving people the benefit of a doubt? (possible failed goals)
Why is it so hard for me to compliment others? (possible unsupported dreams)
This is not the final fix for this issue. Not falling victim to hateration takes lots of maintenance, and self checking. But I promise if you actively work to negate those hatin' habits, you will become a person who gains strength from supporting others, in the ways you wished you were supported.