Let me start by saying that I TRULY...TRULY...desired to steer clear of this topic...
I gave the Lord a dozen excuses on why I am not the right person to speak on this.
I've been single, all of 3 months, and already I am feeling the pressure. To be honest, this is the same pressure that caused me to get married pre-maturely several years ago. Now, I'm back where I started, hopefully with a little more wisdom than before.
For this blog, I want to talk about the different types of pressure that exist for single men and women, and THEN I'll end the post with a prayer because, in terms of advice, I don't think there is a quick fix... its a struggle, that will most likely need to be dealt with individually until God's appointed time.
Now that I've set your expectations fairly low, I'll start off with:
Pressure #3: Options.... "Truth is I'm tired...OPTIONS are few...I'm trying to pray...but where are you...." (gotta love Tamela Mann...lol)
Whether its too little or too many, the same problem remains. How do you choose? If you were expecting for me to answer that question, then you're reading the wrong blog. What I can tell you is what NOT to choose.
- Don't choose someone who is KINDA saved....or KINDA knows God...or...fill in the blank with anything that is less than Saved, filled with the Holy Ghost, and bearing fruit that is reflective of this.
- Don't choose someone who doesn't motivate you to DO better..BE better.. unless you're both just unmotivated people, then I guess it evens out.
- Don't choose someone just because you're tired of looking...this is actually a real thing.. it's also known as settling. I get it...being single sucks (sorry my point of view), but being married to someone you know isn't connected to your purpose, is even worse.
Pressure #2: SEX............................................................................................................moving on....(LOL)
Pressure #1: TIME.... I think its hard for singles to see the "Big Picture" because there are so many moving pieces. I'm often times overwhelmed with the varying possibilities that exist with every decision a person makes. Time is one of those things that has way too many variables but doesn't stop or pause long enough for you to calculate its trajectory. When we think about marriage we often times think about, what makes sense NOW vs. what will make more sense LATER.
So what's the point of stating the obvious?
Well, I think the main benefit to this post is to share that you are not alone. Social media has done a great job of helping people to filter their insecurities. Its deemed more appropriate for singles to hide, than to acknowledge what they feel. As believers, we have done an even greater disservice to singles by condemning their actions instead of helping them find redemption. Shame has become the #1 fear for individuals to not seek support.
I would love to end this post with steps to finding sanity in your singleness...but I'm not sure if I have those answers just yet. What I do know, is that you can find satisfaction in your singleness, and that is accomplished by doing what God has called you to do.
In terms of coping with the "Now", I offer this prayer....
I think Jesus said it best:
Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil:
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.